A few days ago a good friend e-mailed me this: 75 Thoughts Every Runner Has While Running. And it was hilarious. I have been getting ready to embark, again, upon my running life and today I started as I went out for 1 mile. Here’s my 75 thoughts:
1. Hmm. Where’s the On/Off button to this GPS watch again? Ah. Yes. There it is. ON!
[GPS locating satellites]
2. Wow. Stretching feels so good. I think those are my hamstrings?
3. Well hello again hamstrings!
4. I wonder how long it will be before my hamstrings are “sexy” again? A few weeks? Months? Maybe at least by summer.
5. Ah – look at that – it has my last run. WOW! – 13.37 Miles.
6. 13.37 Miles? Must have been that Half Marathon. Have I really not run since?
7. Stop wasting time thinking about running and go. You don’t know when the baby will wake up.
8. Ah. What a beautiful day for a run!
9. Ow. Wow. My knees kind of hurt. I might need new running shoes? I wonder if I wore these out before my last run? Maybe I had bought these with the intention of getting new ones right after that Half Marathon?
10. Half Marathon. Half. Ma-rah-thon. Muh-rah-thon. What? Gosh, I’m so tired.
11. I can’t believe I once ran a half marathon.
12. Yes you can. Stop being down on yourself. You’ll do it again – 2015 or BUST!
13. What’s that? Sounds like a runner is coming up behind me.
14. Oh – just 2 people walking a dog.
15. WALKING a dog. God. How slow am I running?
16. 12:13 – that’s not bad. This is my first run since I had a baby 2 months ago!
17. Hmm. They are kind of coming up fast on me. Maybe I should just run a little faster? Maybe this is the push I need!
18. Nope. Can’t do that. Ow. Just say, “Hi” as they pass.
19. Maybe I should make a t-shirt that says, “Please don’t judge. I just had a baby 2 months ago.” But then again that would only be true for a few weeks. Then she’d be three months. And wouldn’t I be faster by then? Again – STOP BEING DOWN ON YOURSELF – enjoy the run!
20. Man, I’ve been talking to myself for a long time. How far is this?
21. .28 miles – woo-hoo! I’m half way close to being half way there!
22. Wow – what a beautiful day. I’m glad I’m doing this. I should do this more.
23. Why don’t I do this more?
24. Because my Mom is with the kids. That’s right. God I LOVE when she visits.
25. Maybe I should hire a babysitter during the week to come so I could run during the day?
26. Should I invest in that double-jogging stroller?
27. NO! That would completely ruin the “you” time of the run. What are you thinking? Damn. It must be those endorphins.
28. See?! This is why you wanted to run. You’re only doing a mile today and look at how good a mood you’re in!
29. Look at that big white line in the road. I’ll run to that line THEN look at my watch.
30. .5 mile! That line was totally made for my half mile marker!
31. I feel so good. Maybe I should run more than 1 mile?
32. Ow. Forgot about that stitch thing on the side.
33. Okay. Not too much farther. I wanted to run a mile today and be happy that I achieved my goal. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. I’ll run to that STOP sign. I always wondered how far the stop sign is anyway?
34. .75 miles! Woo-hoo! It’s perfect distance for me in case I ever forget my watch.
35. Time to turn back.
36. Woah – look at that – it’s slightly uphill to get back. Maybe I should take a walking break? Yeah – Walk. You’re doing more than a mile anyway!
37. Aw – look at that cute dog!
38. Damn. What a yappy dog. I’m glad they’re not our neighbors.
39. I wonder what time they put the dog inside at night?
40. Ok, it looks flat. Time to run again.
41. Man, my heart is pounding kind of fast.
42. I must be running fast.
43. 13:13 min/mi! Woo-hoo!
44. WAIT. 13:13? That’s slower than when I started!
45. Maybe I just started too fast?
46. 13:13 … That’s really sad.
47. How fast is a brisk walk?
48. Don’t get down on yourself! You’re running! Yes, the hubs would poke fun but you’re wearing 2 sports bras and everything!
49. Man, when was the last time I ran? Really ran?
50. It probably was that half marathon.
51. May 5, 2013.
52. That seems long ago.
52. What day is it? Wait. What month? April. I think it’s April.
53. Yesterday was April 5th. Today must be April 6th.
54. May 5th to April 6th. 11 MONTHS
55. Holy crap. I haven’t run in 11 months? That’s like a year.
56. I don’t even remember my life a year ago. Or my body. I liked that body.
57. Maybe I can have that body back if I just keep this up?
58. And stop eating Talenti? By the jar.
59. I don’t want to stop eating Talenti.
60. How far would I have to run to eat a whole jar of Talenti?
61. 10 miles
62. I’d probably have to run a half marathon every weekend to maintain the Talenti habit and still lose weight.
63. Maybe I should just eat a normal serving?
64. Negative. I have no self-control. No more Talenti.
65. I’m almost home!
66. I’ll run to the mailbox.
67. I don’t know if we got the mail yesterday.
68. Now just up the hilly driveway!
69. That was only 1.46 miles?
70. Okay down the drive way to that mailbox and circle back.
71. Ugh – the neighbors must think I look crazy.
72. I do look crazy.
73. But I’m running!
75. I really should do this every day …